Our Monuments

FTD Plaque: Memento of the Revolution of 1957

In 1951, Professor James Hyslop became Dean of Men's Halls of Residence. His tussles with Residents and their several House Committees are chronicled below. The plaque commemorating this Great Struggle is in the courtyard of the Old College. If anyone does not know what the "F" stands for, he was surely not in Mens Res…

Remembered only by a small plaque inlaid in the Old College courtyard, the FTD campaign and events leading to it were recalled by several Res occupants as the most memorable of their stay. By the nineteen fifties, initiation was unpleasant and to a degree brutal. Some Seniors tended to regard freshmen as legitimate objects of derision throughout the whole of their first year. Professor James Hyslop was appointed Dean in 1951 and decided to curb initiation. His attempts began in 1953. That policy caused a head-on confrontation with the House Committees of each succeeding year. He took the drastic step of housing only freshmen in Dals, Seniors in College, and in 1954 steadily excluded all seniors in the hope of getting a fresh ethos in the Res. In 1957, among other measures, Professor Hyslop ordered the Housecom to disband. This led to a revolt in which Prof Hyslop became the target of various semi-violent reprisals. His car was advertised for sale at a give-away price in a newspaper; Mrs Hyslop kept being locked in their flat; on one occasion the evening dinner was boycotted, the Dean having as his only companion an effigy of himself hanging from the rafters. It is said that on one occasion the flat door was bricked up and a fire-hose, gushing like a Saturday night Senior, was pushed down the chimney. In March 1957, the Housecom sent a letter to the Vice Chancellor chronicling the events and seeking Prof Hyslop's resignation; which was not forthcoming. He eventually resigned in 1960, and left Wits to become the Vice Chancellor of Rhodes.

EOH Plaque

Mens Res regards this other Residence as an abomination, which should not be referred to by its full name. A gravestone was erected bearing the inscription EOH. During Orientation Week, MHR freshmen are encouraged to show their view of that establishment by bathing the plaque with body fluids.

Pistardius-Hon-Kersae (known to some as the Honkus Pistorius Tree)

This beautiful arboreal specimen can be found on the eastern side of Old College House. Botanically this tree is classified as follows:

Species: Similar to Jacaranda
Family:Pistardius Genus: Hon
Strange features: one target (Target Uranus) situated at the base

Tradition has it that on those occasions when Residents find themselves inebriated, it behooves them to pass this tree and pay homage to it by passing water on the trunk, and then "Honking", if so indisposed, at the base. Thriving on this type of sustenance Pistardius has survived many years despite the terrible and severe Highveld draught. With careful attention, and the consumption of a good deal of ale, one sees Pistardius living to eternity. What talks its roots could tell if they could evoke the events leading to each soaking they received!  

Mandela Square

This quad (situated outside the New College Entrance) is the most recent addition to the list of 'illustrious' Men's Res monuments. This area was unofficially named by students to commorate the release of Nelson Mandela in 1990.

Jimmy

The residence dog, died 1963. He was named after Professor Jimmy Huslap who used to be the residence dean. During the course of Jimmy's life, he suffered gravely from a peculiar type of canine epilepsy. It was at  the time of one of his frequent visits to Sunnyside, that this dog suffered a violent and fatal epileptiform fit. At autopsy, the cause of death was stated as follows: " Jimmy, the Res dog, died from a Fit of Frustration".

Keuf

This was  Jimmy's successor. It was a  large, dusky, hungry  mongrel of  terrible odour. Soon after entering residence, this freshman dog developed a typical case of freshman neurosis. As a result of this, KEUF was continually found to be bathing with after-shave lotion and thus lending a superb and manly aroma to Men's Res.

Phineas

The original Phineas was the Highlander mascot of University College, London. His namesake, Phineas II, was a seven-foot wooden replica used to promote a barber shop in Jules Street, Johannesburg.

Phineas II was loaned to the newly established Wits University to serve as its mascot in 1923. However, that same year, Ikeys (UCT) abducted Phineas II. There are differing accounts on what subsequently happened to Phineas II. One theory is that he was reclaimed by his original owner.

Phineas III emerged under mysterious circumstances around 1930. He proved to be as slippery as his predecessors and fell into the hands of Tukkies (University of Pretoria) in 1931. This marked the beginning of a series of raids between students of the two universities. Phineas III retired from active service in 1971 with the cessation of the Intervarsity tournament. 

Zorro, the residence cat

Zorro was the Residence cat. This eminent member of the feline species distinguished himself, as all true residents, in the noble and ancient art of love making. However, on one occasion, Zorro was confronted by all the Second Year students of Sunnyside and to everyone's disgust was horribly and brutally assaulted. Not being able to cope with the amorous desires of the ever frustrated Sunnyside students - Zorro succumbed.

This feline role-model was buried with a bottle of claret, to keep his memory sweet. His monument (erected with purloined bricks) is just outside the back door of Old College.

In current times, although the above story remains, during O’ Week Freshmen are told a different story of how Zorro was a perfect Raider and embodied all qualities of a Raider, and one day upon paying a visit to all of his girlfriends at Jubilee (one on each floor) unfortunately on his way back collapsed due to complications arising from his Casanova activities and succumbed to these. But he so loved the house and our sister Res, Jubilee, that he asked to be buried within yard of Men’s Res facing Jubilee Hall.

Revered by Men's Res residents, Zorro has a song dedicated to his memory.

"Zorro" being carried home.